Psycho City Derby Girls

Seeing Stars - Your Roller Derby Horoscope

By Ivana Crushyu

For the month of May 2013:

ARIES (March 21 to April 19)
Things might not be as good as they look this month, so buyer beware. Check in with derby references before you drop big dollars buying gear or merch from an unknown source (or out of someone’s trunk). It might be a great deal, or it might just be you getting what you pay for.

TAURUS (April 20 to May 20)
Cheer for the underdog this month. You’re motivated to mentor. Grab some fresh meat and teach them all about your particular area of expertise. Get a group together to attend a game from a nearby league you haven’t gone to see before. Effort on behalf of someone else will come back to you.

GEMINI (May 21 to June 20)
You feel selfless today. Gee whiz, kinda like an NSO feels every day. This month is a perfect time to use your charm and grace to appreciate the non-player players in our game. Hug a ref — even after you get sent to the box. Buy a photographer a drink.

CANCER (June 21 to July 22)
You work hard; you play hard; you … wish somebody noticed. It’s cool, Cancer. People see how hardworking you are this month. It’s just your self-proclaimed reputation for crabbiness that sometimes keeps them from telling you. All is good.      

LEO (July 23 to Aug. 22)
You know what others expect from you. It’s not anybody else’s fault you’re a bad-ass. But everyone needs a break. If that’s you this month — and it might be — just say so. We’ve all been there. Life happens.

VIRGO (Aug. 23 to Sept. 22)
You are all about travel this month. Perhaps you will be subbing for a nearby team or you’re going on a day trip to a derby clinic. In any case, you’ll have an uncharacteristic super-confidence when you’re out of your comfort zone this month.

LIBRA (Sept. 23 to Oct. 22)
You’re feeling the summer love starting to sizzle. Giving whips, lending out wheels, maybe even entertaining the notion of coaching. You’re in a good spot for this. Give, give, give!

SCORPIO (Oct. 23 to Nov. 21)
When in doubt, skate it out. You’ve heard this before, and you’re living it this month. It’s a great time to let go of the past in order to heal and focus on the future.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22 to Dec. 21)
The resident optimist on the track, you tend to see the good points in even the worst of plays. You might be called upon to pep up your team if you’ve had a string of bad breaks lately. Conversely, you keep everyone’s karma running smooth if your team’s on top. Do your thang.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22 to Jan. 19)
You are a creative and disciplined person, so why wouldn’t you expect your skating style to reflect that? This month, think about what has been working for you and what you’d like to do. Strangely, a more artistic style of skating might help you grow in derby.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20 to Feb. 18)
This month will benefit you most if you try to live in opposite land. If you go to EVERY SINGLE PRACTICE, slack off a bit. If you’re a blocker, try jamming a lot. Or vice versa. Live on the other side, then go back to how you were next month and see what’s changed for you.

PISCES (Feb. 19 to March 20)
Your imagination is on fire due to a recent setback! This can be good — for example, if you were injured and are keeping skills fresh through positive visualization (it’s real; look it up). It also can be bad — for example, if you had a terrible practice or game and can’t think of anything but failure when you put on your skates. Make it the good kind, please.